Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Tamar's Tears

The Desolation of Tamar
After reading, 2 Samuel, Chapter 13:1-19, my heart was burning from the incident. This passage perfectly illustrates the topic of lust verses love for our daughters. I know it is a harsh situation but when your daughter is of age to understand this topic, read the following with her. If you are a maiden then I pray these words convict your heart…

For he thought he loved her...
"1: And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her

2: And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her. 

3: But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother: and Jonadab was a very subtil man. 

4: And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king's son, lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister. 

5: And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand. 

6: So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat at her hand. 

7: Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother Amnon's house, and dress him meat. 

8: So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house; and he was laid down. And she took flour, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and did bake the cakes. 

9: And she took a pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, Have out all men from me. And they went out every man from him. 

10: And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber, that I may eat of thine hand. And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 

11: And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister. 

12: And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly. 

13: And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee. 

14: Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. 

15: Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone. 

16: And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her. 
17: Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her. 
18: And she had a garment of divers colours upon her: for with such robes were the king's daughters that were virgins apparelled. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her. 
19: And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying." 
~ 2 Samuel, Chapter 13:1-19
What happened to his "vexing" love?...

Our daughters must be told that some men will declare their lust in the name of love, they will declare their admiration in the name of love and they may even declare their false intentions to spend their life with you in the name of love, but until they have sought a true, God honoring relationship and dedicate their life to you in the form of a God ordained marriage, then such a love does not exist yet...

Young ladies, guard your hearts and your bodies as the living temple for once these men receive that special part of you, most are through with their so called love as Amnon illustrated to us in the tragic tale of Tamar… He only THOUGHT he loved her… and a HATRED greater than that so-called "love" replaced it.

God's way of purity is a protection for the maiden… It safeguards her heart for the one worthy of her life and love. Poor Tamar! If only King David was not so lax in his child-rearing! He should have protected her from those closed quarters! Dear maidens, do not despise the wise counsel of your parents in this area for their desire is to prevent a similar fate!

"True love" will spend time to get to know you, your plans, your relationship with God. True love will respect you and walk you up the isle nobly with your hand in his, like a treasure he intends to protect.

On the Threshold (of a Proposal) by Edmund Blair Leighton
Books about purity and godly relationships…

Younger girls:

The Garden Wall: A Story of Love Based on I Corinthians 13 by Jennie Bishop (picture book)
The Three Weavers: A Picture Book, Retold by Mark Hamby (picture book)

Older girls:

The Three Weavers by Annie Fellows Johnston (allegorical novel)
Of Knights and Fair Maidens by Jeff and Danielle Myers (instructional book)


  1. Jes, I'm so glad I found this blog, I hope you don't mind if I include it in my blog list on my own site ( I am always moved whenever I read this passage, especially because it so accurately depicts the state of many young ladies today! I cannot wait to look into the books you have recommended as well! Have a blessed day.

  2. Jes, this came perfect timing for me. I was looking for something like this. I praise God for you! Blessings!

  3. This is beautiful! I am posting this on my Facebook wall because I think more need to read this. I always get so sad thinking of Tamar. I love how you used her story to illustrate such important points.

  4. This is just amazing! Bless you! Can't wait to read more... I have three precious daughters and these studies will be such a blessing for us.. Thank you!

  5. Great post and perfect example that while LOVE can wait (Jacob waited 7 years for Rachel), LUST cannot.

  6. There is a problem in religious societies where the victims of rape are the ones punished. Like "honor killings" among Muslim communities. You should not blame Tamar, she was completely innocent. Lust is a problem among today's societies. Increasing women's rights will help with the problem of rape, sexual abuse and sexual harassment.

    1. Hi Sarah, I am by NO means blaming Tamar. To quote the article, "Poor Tamar! If only King David was not so lax in his child-rearing! He should have protected her from those closed quarters! Dear maidens, do not despise the wise counsel of your parents in this area for their desire is to prevent a similar fate!" Tamar has my complete compassion. This story just breaks my heart. How many maidens aren't being watched out for. I agree with you, she was COMPLETELY innocent. Thanks for sharing.


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